Motherhood, Ambition, and the Decision to Be a One Child Family


I really like my daughter. I really like her greater than something in the entire world. I really like her heat breath and sticky little fingers. After we are consuming dinner, she typically smiles throughout the desk and says “I really like you a lot, mama.” When she was a new child, I might put her within the wrap, activate Iron & Wine, and dance throughout our kitchen. It was heaven. For me, being a mother exceeded my expectations when it comes to enjoyable and achievement.

I really like being this lady’s mother, and I additionally don’t need to have any extra children.

Selecting to be a one little one household is rising in reputation for city-dwelling {couples}, and but it’s not often talked about. The most typical response I get after I inform somebody that I’m solely planning to have one is “You’ll change your thoughts!” I’m solely 30 and gained’t rule out the likelihood that 40-year-old me will select an alternative choice, however I really feel safe that we’re a one little one household. I need to inform you why.

After I was pregnant, there was an onslaught of pleasure. Associates and colleagues have been beside themselves. I used to be too! I’ve at all times wished to have children, and my husband was past stoked for fatherhood. I used to be struck although that different milestones in my life—shopping for a home, ending my counseling license—have been barely acknowledged by these individuals. Our society has conditioned us to make motherhood the tip all and be all for girls. Different paths typically lack the celebratory following that being pregnant brings. I need my daughter to develop up understanding that if she decides to change into a mother, that’s wonderful! If she doesn’t, that’s wonderful too! I need her to know that I worth her place on this world as a doable mom, doable veterinarian, funding banker, chef, no matter it’s that she desires. I additionally need her to know that she doesn’t have to decide on.

I need her to know that motherhood can co-exist with ambition.

I like to work. I really like having co-workers, the shared pleasure over what we’re doing. I really like getting dressed within the morning, placing on make-up, and ingesting espresso on my commute. I’m enthusiastic about counseling and psychological well being, and I can’t think about not doing that. Whereas I completely know that I may have one other child and return to work, I don’t need to preserve stopping and beginning. I need to deal with my profession, and I need to reside in a world the place girls are praised for that, not shamed or checked out as overly formidable.

In Camille’s latest Sunday publication, she mentioned the sensation of understanding her household was full along with her children. It is a feeling that I relate to. Earlier than I had my daughter, Mae, I at all times thought that my husband and I might have a number of youngsters. We each love children, like to play, and are so obsessive about our niece and nephew, that I assumed we might have at the very least three children. However after Mae was born, I knew that our household was full.

One evening, when Mae was about six months outdated, I used to be day dreaming about our first household journey to Massive Bend. It occurred to me that if we had extra children, these lengthy journeys that we need to take–journeys by means of Sonoma, up the PCH, to Europe, down by means of Mexico–these journeys may nonetheless occur, however would undoubtedly be tougher with a number of children. I really feel assured to fly solo with Mae and to take her on highway journeys in a couple of years. When Adam and I am going on journeys, I be happy to ask my dad and mom to maintain Mae. With a couple of child, the ask is far higher. I’m so joyful that I made the selection to have one child. The sleepless new child days, my breastfeeding frustrations, the lengthy days of tummy time and apple purees—I’m so grateful for each second. However I can be glad about each second, and never lengthy for these days to return. The three of us is the right household for me.

And lastly, a practical motive why my little household has made this selection. Earlier than having Mae, we purchased a home within the Austin suburbs. It was a dream of ours to personal a house, however housing prices in Austin are so exorbitant that I knew that dwelling in Austin correct was not going to occur. After we had Mae, dwelling within the suburbs began to make me really feel remoted and claustrophobic. We bought our home within the suburbs to pay the inflated lease of a bungalow within the metropolis. Adam and I moved to Austin, as a result of we’re loopy in love with this metropolis. I often check with Austin as my soul metropolis. I really feel a connection to it in a means I haven’t skilled anyplace else. Sadly, I’m not alone in that feeling, and loads of individuals need to reside right here. Austin is rapidly changing into some of the costly cities within the US. With my husband’s work in occasion manufacturing and mine in psychological well being, our revenue isn’t going to be exorbitant. If we ever need to personal a home once more and keep within the elements of city we need to reside, our home might be small. Even a small, 2 bed room home will stretch our finances. When analyzing if we wished to have extra children, we did have to speak in regards to the sort of life we wished to reside. Now we have designed a life that includes staying within the metropolis, having careers we’re enthusiastic about, and touring.

For us, one other child simply doesn’t issue into our design scheme, and that’s okay. I’m happy with us for outlining the life we would like and never letting life occur to us.

I really feel a sure air of disappointment in individuals after I speak about not having extra children. My hope is that when girls discuss overtly about these decisions, we are going to welcome an increasing number of life into the combo. If you wish to have 10 children, I help you! If you wish to go to med faculty, I help you! If you wish to reside off the land and take up portray, I help you! Certainly, each life is valuable.


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